Today, Ginger posted a YouTube video titled "Why do anything?" where he very openly talks about his own experience with burnout and the concept of human adaptation to situations that causes us to feel "less". An example of this, that I think many Melee players can relate to, is the struggle with "feeling anything" when you are playing against an opponent you are largely expected to beat. When we make progress, it's as if our brains are trained to adapt to the success and we end up perceiving things that once brought a lot of tension and engagement, as something normal that we take for granted. I want to talk more at length about this idea and the question of why even bother competing in the long run in this post, but before that I'd like to encourage people to give Ginger's video a watch here. It's a very introspective video and I do deeply respect anyone who is willing to openly share thoughts like this on a public forum. I personally found some of the topics very thought-provoking and relatable to my own experiences in Melee.
The question of how to adjust when our brain naturally makes adaptations in this regard has always stumped me. Ginger mentions a concept of "living for acceleration", where we set and achieve these big goals for ourselves that we can measure as points in our life, in which we accelerated or grew greatly from. We can reach these goals and set new goals for ourselves, but life usually plays out in a way where the time in between achieving these two levels of goals is very long. And when we aren't hitting these goals it can feel like stagnation, and when things happen that make us feel like we've regressed past the initial goal, it can be mentally taxing. Later on in the video, Ginger speaks about an anxiety about feeling doomed to always loop back to this feeling of apathy, no matter what goals he ends up reaching. And that begs the question of, "Why do anything?"
Recently, something I've had to work on outside of Melee is learning to be more present. Just trying to appreciate things more and soak in the things we often take for granted. It also involves letting yourself actually feel your emotions and not bottling them up. Through this learning process, I like to think I've made strides in being happier as a person, and I hope it shows to others. I have a strong feeling it really does show greatly when I am playing Melee these days. It is obviously not an easy thing to do, but being present really does heighten the experience of Melee. You notice more of the cool interactions that can happen and begin to appreciate them more. It's not as stressful when your opponent surprises you and it may even bring you a little bit of excitement. Maybe you hear audible reactions of a person watching behind. Or it's a roaring crowd that adds to the intensity of everything. You do a cool combo and feel the rush of hearing the crowd pop off. You feel the nerves creep up, but are able to acknowledge them as a symptom of wanting to win. I think learning to be more in tune with everything that's happening in the present moment can make competing feel as fresh as when you first started and fell in love with it. And I think it's okay to feel negative feelings when you lose. But it is only when you are truly present that you realize that Melee only makes you feel so bad because you know how good it CAN feel. So my response to "Why do anything?" is just, "Because it's fun."
I'd also like to clear up that I don't think goals are a bad thing, even though it can seem like they can be a source of unhappiness. Being present alone won't drive us forward and push us to grow, we do need goals for that. I just think goals and expectations may be weighing some of us down too much during competition, and we ought to be kinder to ourselves in that regard. We get so enveloped in this process of chasing these arduous goals for ourselves that we forget what it was that drew us to this game in the first place. It is a fun game in itself, but so many of us dedicate so much time and money to play in person and it shows what we really value from this game over others is community and connection. Ginger even mentions the community aspect as a thing that helps him confront the feelings of apathy. It's something we may end up taking for granted, but we build so many unique connections from playing so many different people. We even get to connect through sharing our own goals and growing together. I'll even share what my own goal is right now as I've been inspired by others to do so. I want to make Top 8 at a big tournament and play on stage and stream with the STCH tag on, to immortalize my good friend. If you know me, you'll know how fitting this is, considering my original sole goal in Melee. I fully believe in myself to be able to achieve this at some point, as long as I take it day by day and not get too caught up in making every opportunity that I have "the one". I plan on enjoying the journey to that point because that is what I want.
I watched the movie "Call Me By Your Name" for the first time on a flight recently, and I bring this up because there was a scene that has stuck with me. Near the end, the father goes on a monologue to his son where he says that our hearts are only given to us once. This was said in a context referring to pursuing romance, but I think it can even apply to the way we live our lives through Melee or even in general. We may find ourselves experiencing heartbreak and suffering on our journeys, but it's important to let ourselves feel all of it, so we can cherish the joy that existed alongside it.
- cliché